Is He Boogeyman or Boaz?

So ladies, let’s be serious. I’m separated, and the only man I’m walking with right now is Jesus. The real Kinsman Redeemer. And let me tell you, I’m happy and content.

But I keep hearing all about the issues with dating. Now, I have my own views on what God has told me about dating, but for this blog, I’ll keep them to myself. Instead, let’s talk about what I’m hearing.

I’m hearing about godly men who still want to have premarital sex. I’m hearing about passive men who refuse to lead. I’m hearing about men who are looking for a woman but aren’t ready to let go of their mommas. I’m hearing about married men who think their problems at home give them permission to have a girlfriend too.

And sis, if your man is married and you’re his girlfriend, he may be a boogeyman. If he claims to be saved but can’t seem to save two pennies, he may be a boogeyman. If he wants you to submit but he doesn’t submit to God, he may be a boogeyman.

So let’s talk about it for Valentine’s Day. Let’s get real. If I step on your toes, don’t be offended with me. These are not my thoughts. I do my best to write based on God’s truth. But what I see and hear are a lot of women dating boogeymen. Yes, I said it. Boogeymen.

Why? Because, ladies, we aren’t willing to wait. Yes, I said we. Because waiting can be hard for all of us. But as I write this under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I want you to look in the mirror. Do you see who you are? Do you see a woman of virtue and beauty? A woman of favor? You are God’s greatest prize. So why are you giving your heart and maybe your body to men who are not yet capable of seeing your splendor?

Waiting isn’t a punishment. It’s a privilege. Waiting means God has plans for you. While He’s crafting you, He’s protecting you. While He’s shaping you, He’s shielding you. Would you present a rare jewel to someone who doesn’t understand its worth? Would you give a luxury car to a child? Would you buy a house for a toddler? Then why do you think God would just present you to anyone? The evidence of a boogeyman means something isn’t ready, and that something may be you.

So what does a Boaz look like? A Boaz is a man who honors God first. He leads with wisdom, strength, and humility. He doesn’t just talk about being a godly man. He lives it. He bears fruit. He is responsible. He is disciplined. He doesn’t need to be convinced to do right. He just does. He protects. He provides. He prays. He isn’t looking for a woman to fix him or carry him. He’s looking for a woman to walk beside him. A Boaz knows that a woman of God is a blessing, not a burden.

Now listen. God is wonderful with transformation. Every boogeyman can be transformed into a Boaz. But let God do the transforming before you do the dating. Because you know what happens when you date a boogeyman hoping he’ll become a Boaz?

You get scared. You have nightmares. You’re always looking under the bed and checking the closet. You start hearing things in the middle of the night. Your peace is disturbed, your joy gets drained, and you’re constantly looking over your shoulder.

It’s like one of those horror movies where the girl knows something is off, but instead of running, she stays. She ignores the red flags. She hears the creepy music playing, but instead of leaving the haunted house, she goes deeper inside. And we all know how that story ends. That girl always dies.

You might not physically die, but how many women have lost their peace, their joy, their finances, their spiritual and emotional health, all because they stayed with a man God never sent? Boogeymen are thieves. They drain, they take, they deceive, and they distract. And before you know it, you are running in circles, exhausted, and wondering how you got into this mess in the first place.

Sis, don’t settle for a man who still needs to be delivered. Wait for your Boaz. Wait for God’s best. And while you wait, walk with Jesus.

And for my married sisters, your identity isn’t in your marriage. It is in God. Yes, having a Boaz is a blessing, but don’t forget your first love. It’s easy to get caught up in the role of wife, to pour everything into your husband and your home, but sis, you were God’s before you were ever his. Your marriage is a covenant, but it is not your foundation. God is. So even if your Boaz is wonderful, even if he prays over you and leads your home well, even if you’re living the marriage you once prayed for, God is still perfecting you. He is still calling you deeper, still shaping you, still reminding you that your first love is Him. So shine, my married sister. Keep loving, keep serving, keep honoring your husband, but never forget that before you were a wife, you were a daughter. And God still desires intimacy with you.

So whether you’re single or married, divorced or separated, widowed or waiting, you are not alone. Valentine’s Day doesn’t define you. A relationship doesn’t complete you. God is waiting to do a new thing in the hearts of His daughters, and He always wants to walk with us. Because no matter what season we’re in, He is still our greatest love.

-Chassitie L